For Such a Time as This…

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Have you ever been blindsided? Hit with an unexpected blow, just when things seemed to be going well?

This is where I find myself this week.

Could this be an attack of the evil one, who “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). Does he see my stubborn resolve to walk in faith despite my circumstances, and fear the progress I’m making toward freedom and abundant life?

Or maybe it’s the complete opposite.

In His infinite wisdom, does my loving, heavenly Father know that I have made just enough progress to be able to handle dealing with the next layer of brokenness?

Either way, I do not like finding myself in this place.

Not.  One.  Bit.

This week, I was hit with some news that left me reeling. I was literally shaking and felt sick in the pit of my stomach. To explain, let me take you back a couple of weeks…

My mom was visiting and was folding laundry at my kitchen table. I was sharing with her that my husband and I had decided to be very open with our kids about the fact that their grandmother (my husband’s mother) and great-grandfather had struggled with alcohol. We would tell the children so that they would be aware that they had a predisposition to alcoholism, due to our family history. We would share this, not to shame my husband’s family, but to help our children understand the risks in the hope that they would make wise choices when faced with decisions involving alcohol.

My mom was quiet for a moment, then said, “I’m sorry to tell you, but your dad was an alcoholic too, when you were young”.

This came as a complete shock. I knew my father had his share of issues, but I had no idea that this was one of them.  

My mom shared that my father had quit drinking and smoking cold turkey when he became a Christian at the age of 27. “But,” she added, “he’s started drinking again over the last couple of years. Sometimes, I worry about him.” 

I don’t know if it was partly denial fueling my response, but when she said that she sometimes worried about him, I thought she meant she was worried that his drinking could become a problem again. 

Fast forward to last Tuesday… 

My mom called me at midnight and said she needed to talk. Through her tears, she told me that my father had had too many drinks earlier that day and had gotten on his motorcycle to ride home, despite the worried pleas of his friends. Thankfully, he had made it home safely and had ‘slept it off’ that afternoon. 

My mom was understandably upset and had asked one of my brothers to talk to him about how things were getting out of hand. My brother lovingly confronted my father and convinced him of how serious the situation had gotten. They came up with a plan to get my father some help – counseling, and an accountability partner from his church, who would not only meet regularly with him, but would keep my brother updated as well. My father was remorseful and seemed truly repentant. He promised he was going to stop. 

That was at 10:00. At midnight, my mom heard him stumbling around in the kitchen. She went upstairs and saw that his arm was injured and bleeding, his speech was extremely slurred, and he was completely incoherent. 

That’s when she called me. 

She explained what had happened that day, and asked me to talk to him. If I had not heard it for myself, I would not have believed the extent of his condition. He was unable to string even two coherent words together. He had absolutely NO understanding of anything my mom and I asked or said. We began to fear that maybe this wasn’t alcohol-induced after all. Maybe he had suffered a stroke, we thought.

My mom called the ambulance and I stayed on the line, listening over speakerphone, as the paramedics assessed his condition. They, too, worried that something neurological had happened. He was taken by ambulance for an emergency CT scan.

The results? 

His brain was fine. 

His blood alcohol level was so high that he could have died.

I cried.

My heart ached so badly.

But, in the midst of my brokenness and pain, I realized two things:

1.  I do actually love my father, despite all the things he has done to hurt me.

When I believed he might die from his ‘stroke’, I was devastated at the thought of losing him. My pain was mixed with feelings of guilt for the way I have often held him at a distance, emotionally. I know I haven’t always been the best daughter.

2.  God’s hand is at work, even in the midst of all this.

For those of you who read my post, Extend Grace, you may remember how I sensed God encouraging me to show grace to my father, just as my heavenly Father has extended grace to me. This was just days before my daughter’s dedication. I assumed that there would be conflict that day, and I would have to be gracious in response.

That day, everything went extremely well. I was thankful for those who prayed for peace, but also somewhat confused about the call to extend grace.

Then this happened, and I understood.

I sensed God reveal to my heart that the call to extend grace was given, ‘for such a time as this’. How gracious of our heavenly Father to prepare my heart for this difficult day.

My father called the next day, and humbly confessed his struggle with alcohol. He apologized without defensiveness or excuse. So unlike him.

I was able to tell him I loved him, and that I was proud of him for having the courage to be honest. I told him that, if anything, I respected him more for his humility and honesty. I shared with him how God extends grace to his children no matter how serious the offense. I reminded him of David who is called ‘a man after God’s own heart’, despite all the ways he had rebelled against his heavenly Father. David was truly repentant, I shared, and turned to God in his time of brokenness.

That’s all God wants after all. For us to turn to Him, draw close to Him, rest in Him. He understands our human frailty. He loves us just as we are, and is willing to walk closely by our side into healing if only we will let Him.

In his kindness, God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

1 Peter 5:10   (NLT)

The words I spoke to my father did not come from my own heart. Not that I didn’t mean the things I said – I did, but I felt the love of my Savior flow through me in a way that is difficult to explain. His grace poured out freely and abundantly for us both.

Although I see God’s hand in this situation, I am struggling to understand and accept the reality of what my family must now face. I feel unwelcome, yet familiar, feelings such as self-condemnation and heaviness overwhelming me.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Hebrews 4:16    (NLT)

Boy, do I “need it most” right now. Please pray for me, and for my family. I fear the battle has just begun.

In His love,

Kamea

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52 thoughts on “For Such a Time as This…

  1. Oh, Kamea, what a heart-breaking situation for you and your family, and what a gift of grace to have the right attitude and words to say at just the right time! No wonder you’ve been struggling. Yet your words here are also laced with grace and God-given wisdom. I was especially touched by:”That’s all God wants after all. For us to turn to Him, draw close to Him, rest in Him. He understands our human frailty. He loves us just as we are, and is willing to walk closely by our side into healing if only we will let Him” Amen! Thank you for sharing and being so transparent so that other hurting souls can feel less alone with their own concerns. Blessings of peace and deeper rest in God. 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sweet Joy,

      I can feel the genuine empathy in your compassionate words. Feeling understood by another person is so healing, as it helps us to know that we are not alone in our struggles. I felt so encouraged by your words that my sharing can bless and encourage other hurting souls. That is the honest longing of my heart, sweet one. You have blessed me so deeply by sharing that.

      May God richly bless you this day,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s so hard, Kamea. I really appreciate the grace you gave your father. That is the best gift you could have given him and it really encourages me. Lifting up you and your family right now. Big Hugs my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey sweet friend,

      Yes, this is so very difficult. Thank you for encouraging my heart with your words. I am glad that you were encouraged as well. God will surely redeem all our hurts for good, if only we will let Him.

      Hugs in return,
      Kamea

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  3. My grandfather from my mother’s side was an alcoholic. He hurt his family, and my mother, profoundly. And it has affected my life also, due to the emotional trauma my mother had living in an abusive home (he was physically abusive both to my grandmother and his children, my mother and her three brothers). It is a hard thing to live with. I think my mother was able to forgive him before he died.
    He always tried to control himself when his grandchildren were around. So I only had peeks of his behavior. But I still was scared of him in occations when I was a child. And still I know he loved me.
    I just wish he could have found his help in God, instead of searching it in vain in alcohol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dearest Joanna,

      I am so sorry for the trauma that your family has faced due to alcoholism. I understand what it is to be hurt and broken. Yet, our loving, heavenly Father can redeem even these situations for good, and for His glory. Your words are so wise in recognizing that your grandfather was searching in vain for help through his abuse of alcohol, when he needed God. May we remember the brokenness of the people who struggle, and lift them in prayer, and extend grace and compassion.

      In His great love,
      Kamea

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  4. Wow! Praying blessing over you as you walk through this season! I was hit hardest when you said, “That’s all God wants after all. For us to turn to Him, draw close to Him, rest in Him. He understands our human frailty. He loves us just as we are, and is willing to walk closely by our side into healing if only we will let Him.” Yes! He wants our healing, He wants us to turn to Him to find our healing! Blessings friend!

    Lisa Murray

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sweet Lisa,

      Thank you for your kind words of understanding and encouragement. I appreciate your prayers – so very powerful when two or more pray in agreement for something within his will – and I believe healing and restoration are always a part of His plan for his children. We have only to trust, and walk in obedience into our healing! Not that its easy, but with him all things are possible.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  5. Kamea, you will certainly have my prayers. I can only imagine how surprising and heavy this must be. I’m thankful God is faithful for all our situations, even surprise alcoholic parents. Just as he positioned you well with grace, he will guide each step as this path is traversed. My prayer is that his exceedingly abundantly is your and your family’s reality, whether it’s through your father’s healing or healing of your family members’ hearts. Visiting via #Raralilnkup & #testimonyTuesday.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome Kristi,

      Thank you for your prayers, sweet friend. I appreciate the wisdom that you share – that God has been faithful in this situation, and will continue to guide me along this path. I love your words of blessing – “that his exceedingly abundantly is [my family’s] reality” How beautiful!

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  6. Lord, you are at work on Kamea’s hard road, and I pray that you would make yourself and your purposes visible to her. Thank you for the love and forgiveness that you are pouring through her and I pray that you would continue to keep her on that path of healing and strength. Make her a light for her dad’s darkness.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What a sweet prayer, Michele – that God would make himself and his purposes visible. How much strength I draw from seeing his hand at work in my life. And your prayer that he would make me a light for my dad’s darkness – beautiful. I join in agreement with these words. I pray my father will clearly see the light of Christ in his life.

      Many blessings,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Kamea! What a week…that’s a lot of hard information. I know that your Mom needs help, and the fact that you and your brother are stepping up speaks volumes about your love for her, and for your father. I really pray that your Dad will be able to find his way back to AA, and that your Mom can hang in there with him at this really hard time.

    I will be praying for you, and your family. God bless you and use you in a powerful way as a witness of love and support for your Dad and Mom.
    Blessings,
    Ceil

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, my sweet encourager,

      Just this. Thank you! I kind of feel helpless in this situation, and it meant a lot to hear you say that my brother and I are “stepping up” for her. Thank you for your prayers, especially for my mom. This has been so difficult for her, but at least now it is no longer a burden she has to carry alone. The enemy loves secrets and shame – shining light into the dark places is so powerfully healing!

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  8. Kamea, what a powerful gift you were able to be to your father through the Savior, and how incredible that God prepares us even while He is busy healing us… His grace is great, and filled with love, not just for you and your husband but your whole family… praying that everything that happened speaks into your father’s heart and brings new hope and life!
    Hugs and blessings too big to fathom, my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dearest Christine,

      Isn’t it amazing how He often prepares our hearts for the difficult things He calls us to face. So loving and gracious of him. Thank you for your prayers and for your hugs and blessings!

      May God richly bless you this day,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow, Kamea – to think of the chain of events that unfolded because you and your husband felt led to have a conversation with your kids – and share that with your mom. Perhaps otherwise, she would have struggled alone or never confessed her fears to you – you wouldn’t have been able to help. God is clearly using you in a powerful way – and although He is stretching you and taking you to deep, uncomfortable places, He is doing it with great purpose, eternal purpose. I will be praying, dear one and know that God will equip you for the path He has set before you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sweet Tiffany,

      It is rather mind boggling when you really start to discern his hand at work in your life – and the many ways that he is protecting, guiding, and loving us. It has lifted a huge burden off of my mom to have shared this with us. The shame of keeping secrets locked away was destroying her. I pray she will find amazing degrees of freedom now, and that God will strengthen her for the road ahead.

      Thank you for your words of encouragement, that you see God using me for his kingdom purposes. That is the longing of my heart, that I will walk closely with him and that he will redeem my brokenness to help others find hope and healing. Your prayers mean so much. Thank you!

      In His love,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

  10. You know what? I understand your words here. I understand the turbulent ride of family. I understand it feels so out-of-control. I get this. But, let me tell you one truth dear friend: you stand on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. It cannot be moved, it cannot be shaken. No family incident, trial or action against you can take you down. Stand there. Stand strong. Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My dear, sweet Kelly,

      I’m deeply sorry that you understand the “turbulent ride of family” so very well. I wish that was not the case. But knowing that you understand means we can share this burden, and support one another through the struggle. And for that I am truly grateful! Thank you for your words of truth – Amen! I stand on the solid rock of Jesus. In his strength, I will not be moved!

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  11. Hi – so sorry about your dad’s struggle with addiction. Although I haven’t dealt with it with a parent, my family has been riddled with the effects. I have numerous friends who struggle with their drinking. Thankfully we serve a big God who wants us to cry out to Him and to be made more in His image. I will pray that your father will realize his need for Jesus in his struggle and be willing to turn to Him. I will also pray for you and the rest of your family. (I came over from #livefree Thursday today)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome Jennifer,

      Yes, we certainly all do have our struggles – they differ from person to person, but through them we realize our deep need for Jesus. I’m sorry you have suffered the effects of alcohol use in others – I praise God that he has protected you from falling into that pattern yourself. How sad it is to see our friends and family members suffer, trying to fill a void with something other than Jesus. I pray we will be prepared to show love and grace as the opportunities arise. Thank you for your prayers.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  12. Wow, Kamea. This is intense stuff. I appreciate you sharing it so vulnerably. I know it will help others who are in similar situations. Praying for your family right now and thanking God for your courage to face this head-on. Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, sweet Lisa! I know that He is the God who restores our brokenness for good – this gives me incredible hope. Knowing that my pain and struggle have purpose is so meaningful. You have blessed me with your words today!

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

      Like

  13. Hi Kamea-

    So so hard 😦 I am sad for you and cannot imagine how hard this must be. Praying for you now, for an extra portion, of strength, hope and peace; and that you would feel Him providing everything you need moment by moment, day by day- sending hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Suzie,

      The fact that you feel sad for me, a stranger, helps me to know that God has forged a friendship between us! I value your prayers – your words hold so much meaning. I see Christ in you, sweet one.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  14. This is so powerful. Praying for you as I read every detail of your story. Your honesty about your pain is nothing short of courageous. Your scars will become calling cards that others who struggle will see as credentials, allowing you to testify of the God who carried you through the valley. It doesn’t make it easier, but we all take comfort at some level in knowing that our tears are not wasted. What an offering this is and I’m sure it was not easy to write. Posts like this feel more like giving birth.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome Christi,

      Wow, did these words speak to me in a powerful way! This past weekend, I was on a prayer retreat and I sensed the Lord tell me that although He has promised me healing, that I will always bear the scars – that there will be a remnant of brokenness, and that this is a gift that will point others to Jesus. So your words bring so much confirmation. Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement and for your prayers.

      May God richly bless you,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Thank you Kamea for sharing this with us at Good Morning Mondays, I hope that by sharing it you know that we are praying for you and your family at this time. My father also was an alcoholic (although family members would never admit to it) and it is such a hard thing to deal with, but God is in control and you are not alone. Blessings to you all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Terri,

      Thank you for your prayers for my family. That means so much. I am sorry that your family has struggled with alcoholism as well, and that you know the heartache that results. Knowing that you understand, and are encouraging me from a place of genuine empathy, means so much.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  16. I have so many thoughts in my head right now that are all jumbled up. First of all, I am so proud of you and the progress you are making! Your Dad is human and I am so glad you are extending him grace. I am so sorry you are going through this. Being blindsided is an awful feeling that seems impossible to process! I am praying for you and your family now!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww, thanks Sarah! I appreciate your comment about seeing progress in my life. I cannot deny that God is at work – I would not have responded this way even a couple of months ago. It is because of Jesus! All glory to His wonderful name! Thank you for your prayers, sweet friend.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  17. Prayers are going up for your family. It is in the struggles that we grow. I love how God prepared your heart. He truly loves us so much. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability with us. God bless!
    Jenni

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome Jenni,

      Yes, we grow through our struggles and challenges – through the pain and tough times. These are growing ‘pains’ in every sense of the word – not easy, but fruitful. Wasn’t that wonderful how God prepared my heart. He never ceases to amaze me!

      Blessings sweet one,
      Kamea

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  18. That must be so difficult! I know God has grace sufficient enough for you and your dad. Sorry to hear about this struggle. I’m thankful for your honesty! I pray for your whole family. Honored to have stopped by from the Equipping Godly Women Link UP.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, His grace is sufficient. His love is abundant. Without His sustaining presence in my life, I don’t know where I would be. He is so good to me. Thank you for your prayers for my family.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

  19. It is so hard to watch these men we call, father, being broken and hurt. When they hurt, we inevitably hurt. I am praying that in His Mercy and Grace, the Lord will continue to show you how to offer that tangibly to your father, that He will lead you and fill you with His love for your earthly father so that he too knows the LOVE of His Heavenly Father. As we turn our hearts to our fathers, Kamea, I believe that they will turn their hearts to God the Father, who loves them with an everlasting love.

    I had quite a broken and dysfunctional relationship with my father growing up. It left a lot of holes in my very fragile heart, but God has been healing them and leading me in the art of loving and forgiving my father so that I can show him the Father’s love he never had. My family has a history of alcoholism, as well. The cycle has been broken but the effects of hurt have run deep. God is faithful to those who love Him and serve Him and I pray that He will meet you in bountiful blessings as He redeems the broken years for you.

    Bless you!
    Dawn

    Liked by 1 person

    • My dear, sweet Dawn,

      I am sorry for the broken and dysfunctional relationship you had with your father while you were growing up. Yet, it brings me so much hope to hear how God has been restoring your relationship and helping you to shine Jesus’ love into your father’s life. Praise His name for helping your family to break the cycle of alcoholism! Thank you for reminding me that God is faithful to those who love and serve Him. And thank you for your prayers for blessing and redemption of brokenness. Your empathy and understanding heart help me to know that I am not alone in this battle.

      May God richly bless you,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, Sweet One,

      These words are living water to my parched and weary soul. He is interceding on my behalf when I am too weak, in the times I don’t even know what to ask or say. It is taken care of. What a glorious truth!

      Many blessings and big hugs,
      Kamea

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  20. My heart is aching right now for you and your family. Your pain and struggles are real, but I love your words of promise which are actually God’s words from Hebrews – “let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God”. Praying with you as you walk this path bravely with the Father and the strength of your family around you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome Mary,

      Thank you for your compassion, sweet one. Yes, let us hold fast to the words of promise – because of what Jesus did on our behalf we have the freedom to come boldly before the throne with our needs. Thank you for your prayers. So powerful to know others are interceding on my behalf!

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  21. Kamea,
    Wow…Thank you so much for sharing with such honesty and grace so we know how to pray…praying right now that God protects your heart from any shame and God continues to pour out His grace upon you and your family….your father’s acknowledgement is the first step to recovery…a friend of mine has shared with me her story of overcoming alcoholism…((hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sweet Dolly,

      You are such a blessing to me, my friend! Thank you so much for your prayers for me and my family. Thank you for being specific in your requests, particularly to pray against shame. I certainly do not want to allow that foothold back into my life again. I’ve walked that road, and it leads to places I do not want to go!

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

      Like

    • Welcome Mitch,

      Thank you for your prayers and compassion. Means so much. Thank you also for subscribing to Incremental Healing. I have read a little of your story at your blog – very powerful how God has been at work in your life. I look forward to reading more, and getting to know you.

      May God richly bless you,
      Kamea

      Like

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