Who am I, Really?…

5220846173_6e90909c83_b

Things are not always what they seem.

Or what they set out to be.

This blog, for example, was meant to be a place where I encourage others who have been hurt like I have been. Where I let you, my dear reader, know that you are not alone in your suffering. A haven of sorts, where the brokenhearted find hope and healing.

But the truth is, I have been the one to find encouragement, hope, and healing.

Reflecting back on my healing journey has been so therapeutic for me. And the love that many of you have shared has blessed me beyond words.

So thank you.

If I may be brutally honest, I need to tell you that I’m really struggling right now. I have experienced a couple of devastating rejections lately, by a couple of people who I thought I could trust. Those I let myself be vulnerable with, who had promised to be there to help.

I have been spiraling downward, into that dark place.

I know I should be standing firm against the lies that the enemy has been hurling my way, just as I have encouraged you to do. But sometimes knowing the ‘right’ thing to do, isn’t always enough. Sometimes we need a shoulder to lean on, someone to come alongside us, and support us through our darkest nights.

I don’t feel like I have anyone like that in my life right now.

Will you please pray for me?

While I’m being honest, I have something else I’d like to share with you. Kamea is not the name I was given at birth. It is not the name that the people in my life call me. And yet, it is very much my true name. Please let me explain…

I cannot share my legal name publicly, at least not at this point in my life. My parents do not know, even to this day, about the abuse that I suffered as a child. And I am not ready to tell them. Not yet.

My father continues to interact with me in unhealthy ways. He seems able to treat my brothers as the adults they are, but is often angry, controlling, and intimidating toward me. Perhaps I am an enabler, letting him get away with treating me badly. I don’t know. But the fear, that still grips my heart, is real. I know that this is an area of my life still in need of the Father’s healing touch.

So, why Kamea? Where did that name come from?

Well, dear friends. When I quiet myself before my heavenly Father and listen to Him speak words of love into my life, I have often heard Him affectionately call me his precious child. Perhaps for you, the name is something different – His beloved, His dear one, His faithful friend. He loves each of us with a perfect love and longs to lavish us with affection, if only we are willing to listen.

When setting out to begin this blog, I knew that I needed to use a name other than my legal one. I googled ‘names meaning precious one’ and was immediately drawn to the name Kamea.

Kamea, pronounced Ka-MAY-ah, simply means ‘precious one’. I had a deep sense of peace in my heart, that this was the right choice.

I have never felt so true to myself, as I do when I am posting on this blog, under this name. This is the real me, without the protective walls I have built to keep secrets locked safely away.

Is it biblical, you might wonder? To receive a new name, given by God himself? In fact, it is. Very much so.

Consider Abram. God changed his name to Abraham, meaning ‘father of a multitude’. His wife Sarai was given the new name Sarah, meaning ‘princess’. When God bestowed a new name upon one of his children, it was a way of speaking to that person’s identity and revealing some aspect of the kingdom purpose that was uniquely theirs.

God changed Jacob’s name to Israel, meaning ‘one who has power with God’. In the New Testament, Simon’s name is changed to Peter, which means ‘rock’. These new names were a means of blessing these individuals; letting them know that they were specifically chosen by God for a unique role in the kingdom.

Am I elevating myself to the level of these heroes of the faith. Well, in all humility, let me remind you of the words of James 5:17, speaking of Elijah, one of the greatest prophets who ever lived, “Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years!” (NLT). You see, it was not Elijah or Abraham, or Peter, who were great; it is God who has been the hero all along, working mightily through those who are willing to walk in obedience.

I don’t know what God’s plan for me looks like. On days like today, it seems there is no way that He could ever use someone as broken as I am. And yet, I choose to trust that He knows. He knows everything that has happened to me. Not one moment has surprised Him. And He has had a plan all along.

You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

Psalm 139:16   (NLT)

I hope and pray that you will understand my reasons for using my God-given name, and not the one my earthly parents chose for me. It is so important to me to protect the integrity of my testimony. I would never want to do anything to tarnish the beautiful name of my Savior, Jesus.

Blessings sweet one,

Kamea

P.S. – The verse above, Psalm 139:16, will be my Scripture memory verse for Versed in Truth.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/56248076@N03/5220846173″>Conscience</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

Advertisements

26 thoughts on “Who am I, Really?…

  1. Kamea, my heart goes out to you as you shared this testimony of restoration… God is doing this amazing work in you, bit by bit, and He’s using you to speak into lives and offer them hope through your honesty and your hopes and feelings.
    It can’t be easy, but He is faithful.
    Kamea. It’s such a beautiful name, for a beautiful person!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a sweet message Kamea! Visiting from Coffee for your Heart.

    Can relate to your struggle…may I encourage you with the truth from God’s Word: Lamentations 3:19-23New International Version (NIV)

    19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
    20 I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
    21 Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

    22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
    23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

    Believing God for you…
    Lynne

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sweet Lynne,

      Thank you so much for sharing that scripture passage with me. It brought tears to my eyes, and was exactly what my heart needed to hear. Yes, we can choose hope knowing that “because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed”. Such a great reminder in a season that leaves me feeling like I just might be consumed after all. But He is faithful, loving, and compassionate. And each day brings fresh hope.

      Much love to you,
      Kamea

      Like

    • Thank you for your prayers, they speak to my needs so specifically. I appreciate that you took the time to hear and understand my struggle, and to respond with such caring concern.

      You are a blessing,
      Kamea

      Like

  3. You are a precious person and friend. I wish I was there to give you a hug. Thank you for your vulnerability. You help me so much!
    Dear Father, please bless my friend right now. Give her grace, wisdom, truth and strength to deal with the difficulties she is facing. Provide friends for her that she can trust and be vulnerable with. May she feel your presence and love for her right now!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you sweet Liz. I have missed connecting with you over the past couple of weeks. You have been in my thoughts and prayers, as I know how difficult the healing journey can be. Your words of love mean so much to me. I value your friendship dearly.

      Love and hugs,
      Kamea

      Like

  4. Praying for you… and with you… believing for healing and freedom and for Light to come in like a flood and replace any heaviness. Praying – more specifically – that you will know the Truth of your new name – that when He speaks it – He says it with so much love and adoration! I pray God brings friends and support and encouragement around you and reminds you that you are not alone… here – in this space, of course – but in your real life, too! I remember for years I went by a shortened version of my name (from childhood, really!) but He spoke to me one day about how He named me on purpose and I was to go by my full name. When I researched the meaning of my name –well, I never went back to calling myself anything else! May you step into “Kamea” and feel Father God holding you close!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your prayer of blessing, Karrilee. I love how you worded your request that Light would “come in like a flood” and replace the heavy feeling inside. That is exactly what I need – the Light of Jesus to come in and dispel the dark lies with His glorious truth. I love how God spoke to you and let you know that your name was special and intentional. I would love to hear what it means.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

      Like

  5. Dearest Kamea, Your name is beautiful and you are His precious child. He is close to you and shelters you in the cleft of His rock.
    I am so very sorry for your hurting heart stemming from those you trusted to turn upon you. I am sorry that you have suffered with abuse and still deal with you father’s abusive ways. Oh, Kamea, I want to hold you and hug you and let you cry on my shoulder. Really, I do. I also want to sit with you often and pray together, to read God’s Word together, and love one another. You are a precious sister to me, probably more like a precious granddaughter actually!
    I hold you in my prayers, lifting you high to our Abba Father.
    Abba Father, You are the Father we all need. We know You will not harm Kamea. You protect her under Your wing and send Your mighty legions of angels to protect her as they encircle her from all around. Oh, Father, You are faithful. Thank You, Abba, for loving Kamea and caring for her. Lift her up into Your warm and tender arms and hold her close until the darkness becomes light, Your Light. Father, I pray for her father, that You will protect Kamea from him and bring him into Your holy light, that He would come to repentance. He needs You, LORD. Today, this moment, Kamea needs Your touch. I pray in the Name of Jesus. Amen

    …as I am caring through Christ, ~ linda

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sweet Linda,

      I don’t know if I can even express how much your words of love meant to me. I had tears in my eyes as I read of your genuine desire to lovingly console my broken heart. I have been blessed beyond measure in the past two days, by the compassion of my sisters-in-Christ. Just when I was feeling so utterly alone, I have been loved and supported beyond anything I expected. Thank you for your beautiful prayer, reminding me of God’s faithfulness, love and protection. I truly do feel the love of Jesus wrapping tightly around me, through the heartfelt words of so many wonderful ministers of grace.

      May God richly bless you for taking the time to shine His light into the darkness.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

      Like

      • Kamea, you are my neighbor today @ Equipping Godly Women and I just wanted to visit you again. Your reply to my comment and prayer blesses me in return. You have many sisters in Christ and we all support and love you for we are His, first and foremost. He connects us in ways we cannot fathom…deeper and wider and longer and sweetly and lovingly and prayerfully.
        Again, I am here with you and for you, dear Kamea.
        Caring through Christ, ~ linda

        Liked by 1 person

      • It is amazing how He connects us with just the right people, at just the right time. He loves us with an amazing love, and He knows when we need the love and encouragement of one another. I am so very grateful that so many have been obedient to His prompting to share words of love and encouragement. It really has brightened my week so much.

        Love,
        Kamea

        Like

  6. Sweet Kamea, you are loved. You are deeply loved. You are loved by me, but much more importantly you are loved by your Father. He loves to embrace you, hold you and he will keep you always. I know it is hard; I know there is pain. I have hurt like you. You will get through. I am praying for you!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dearest Kelly,

      I have not known you for long, but I am quickly learning how God has blessed you beyond measure with the gift of encouragement. Although I am sorry to hear that you have been hurt too, your words mean all the more, because I know that you understand. God is truly using you to do a great work for the kingdom. Thank you for blessing me with your words of love.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

      Like

  7. Oh sweet friend praying for you. This week my soul was been WEARY! But I will encourage you the way God encouraged me. I cried out Lord I am overwhelmed. He answered “When you are overwhelmed, I’ll lead you to the rock.” Ps 61:2 So He led me to the rock and I said Lord here I stand but I am weary. Then He said “I am your Strong Tower, lean on me”. So my sister cry out to Him, run to Him and LEAN IN. He will wrap you in His strong, loving arms. So happy to be your neighbor at Equipping Godly Women.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So inspiring to hear how you dealt with your feelings of being weary and overwhelmed. That’s exactly where I’ve been this past week. I love how your loving, heavenly Father met you right where you were, and led you step by step into His loving arms. There is so much wisdom in your words to cry out to Him, run to Him, and to draw close to Him. So glad to have met, I hope we will connect again soon!

      Blessings sweet one,
      Kamea

      Like

  8. Kamea is a beautiful name and fits you well. I am sorry for the things you have endured and that people have betrayed you recently. People stink sometimes!
    I pray you stay vulnerable with us and allow healing to happen as you help others. Just remember that you ARE serving part of your purpose as you minister here. God has much planned for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Sarah,

      I appreciate your genuine caring concern. Being vulnerable can be difficult, but so necessary for real growth. The love that has been showered on me here humbles me greatly, and inspires me to push on through the hard times.

      Blessings and hugs dear friend,
      Kamea

      Like

  9. Oh, precious one, how the Lord loves you. My heart aches that you are hurting. I know the love and prayers of others will be your Aaron and Hur, holding up your sagging arms. I pray the Lord will transform and heal those parts of your heart still aching. May He wipe away your tears and give you “beauty for ashes” and “the oil of joy for mourning.” Extending love as your #RaRalinkup neighbor. May the Lord bless you outrageously!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome Lynn,

      Thank you so much for your prayer of blessing! What a wonderful picture of what Christian love and support is meant to be. I know the story, but had not thought of it for quite some time. A wonderful and timely reminder!

      You are a blessing,
      Kamea

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s