Things are not always what they seem.
Or what they set out to be.
This blog, for example, was meant to be a place where I encourage others who have been hurt like I have been. Where I let you, my dear reader, know that you are not alone in your suffering. A haven of sorts, where the brokenhearted find hope and healing.
But the truth is, I have been the one to find encouragement, hope, and healing.
Reflecting back on my healing journey has been so therapeutic for me. And the love that many of you have shared has blessed me beyond words.
So thank you.
If I may be brutally honest, I need to tell you that I’m really struggling right now. I have experienced a couple of devastating rejections lately, by a couple of people who I thought I could trust. Those I let myself be vulnerable with, who had promised to be there to help.
I have been spiraling downward, into that dark place.
I know I should be standing firm against the lies that the enemy has been hurling my way, just as I have encouraged you to do. But sometimes knowing the ‘right’ thing to do, isn’t always enough. Sometimes we need a shoulder to lean on, someone to come alongside us, and support us through our darkest nights.
I don’t feel like I have anyone like that in my life right now.
Will you please pray for me?
While I’m being honest, I have something else I’d like to share with you. Kamea is not the name I was given at birth. It is not the name that the people in my life call me. And yet, it is very much my true name. Please let me explain…
I cannot share my legal name publicly, at least not at this point in my life. My parents do not know, even to this day, about the abuse that I suffered as a child. And I am not ready to tell them. Not yet.
My father continues to interact with me in unhealthy ways. He seems able to treat my brothers as the adults they are, but is often angry, controlling, and intimidating toward me. Perhaps I am an enabler, letting him get away with treating me badly. I don’t know. But the fear, that still grips my heart, is real. I know that this is an area of my life still in need of the Father’s healing touch.
So, why Kamea? Where did that name come from?
Well, dear friends. When I quiet myself before my heavenly Father and listen to Him speak words of love into my life, I have often heard Him affectionately call me his precious child. Perhaps for you, the name is something different – His beloved, His dear one, His faithful friend. He loves each of us with a perfect love and longs to lavish us with affection, if only we are willing to listen.
When setting out to begin this blog, I knew that I needed to use a name other than my legal one. I googled ‘names meaning precious one’ and was immediately drawn to the name Kamea.
Kamea, pronounced Ka-MAY-ah, simply means ‘precious one’. I had a deep sense of peace in my heart, that this was the right choice.
I have never felt so true to myself, as I do when I am posting on this blog, under this name. This is the real me, without the protective walls I have built to keep secrets locked safely away.
Is it biblical, you might wonder? To receive a new name, given by God himself? In fact, it is. Very much so.
Consider Abram. God changed his name to Abraham, meaning ‘father of a multitude’. His wife Sarai was given the new name Sarah, meaning ‘princess’. When God bestowed a new name upon one of his children, it was a way of speaking to that person’s identity and revealing some aspect of the kingdom purpose that was uniquely theirs.
God changed Jacob’s name to Israel, meaning ‘one who has power with God’. In the New Testament, Simon’s name is changed to Peter, which means ‘rock’. These new names were a means of blessing these individuals; letting them know that they were specifically chosen by God for a unique role in the kingdom.
Am I elevating myself to the level of these heroes of the faith. Well, in all humility, let me remind you of the words of James 5:17, speaking of Elijah, one of the greatest prophets who ever lived, “Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years!” (NLT). You see, it was not Elijah or Abraham, or Peter, who were great; it is God who has been the hero all along, working mightily through those who are willing to walk in obedience.
I don’t know what God’s plan for me looks like. On days like today, it seems there is no way that He could ever use someone as broken as I am. And yet, I choose to trust that He knows. He knows everything that has happened to me. Not one moment has surprised Him. And He has had a plan all along.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
Psalm 139:16 (NLT)
I hope and pray that you will understand my reasons for using my God-given name, and not the one my earthly parents chose for me. It is so important to me to protect the integrity of my testimony. I would never want to do anything to tarnish the beautiful name of my Savior, Jesus.
Blessings sweet one,
P.S. – The verse above, Psalm 139:16, will be my Scripture memory verse for Versed in Truth.
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