Steps to Freedom…

large__12191368894

It has been several posts since I left off the story of my healing journey. In part, there were other things on my heart that I wanted to share. But if I’m completely honest, I was also avoiding. You see, although I believe God has prompted me to share my story, and has promised that He will redeem my brokenness for good, there is also a very real part of me that is more than a little uneasy about sharing this journey publicly. I feel so vulnerable, and for me vulnerability = danger. The times that I have been most vulnerable in my life are the times that I have been wounded most profoundly. I have worked diligently to build walls of protection around myself – to keep anyone from getting close enough to ever hurt me again.

This fear, at times paralyzes and threatens to consume. I am thankful that it is not the only emotion. There is a new sentiment rising up within me, growing stronger with each step of obedience…

Hopeful Anticipation.

God, in His love, continues to echo his promises to my heart. He pursues me relentlessly with words of love. I hear Him whisper to my heart of hearts when I read His word, listen to a message from the pulpit, or engage in worship. The truths line up in a way that cannot be pure coincidence. He promises to rescue and restore, He reminds me that He has a wonderful plan for my life, and that what He promises He will do. He speaks freshly of the comfort that He will continue to pour into my heart, so that I may be a comfort to others who are struggling.

I cannot help but be excited by the invitation to join the Holy One of heaven in the work He is doing in my life, and in the lives of those He gives me the privilege of ministering to. This hopeful anticipation stirs within my heart at the thought of seeing how He will work this miracle of transformation. Taking the grotesque, dark and twisted moments, plotted by the enemy to consume and destroy, and using those very things to bring the light of Christ to a world desperate for hope.

I love how this promise is so beautifully woven through the words of Isaiah –

He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
    and to proclaim that captives will be released
    and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
    that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
    and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
To all who mourn in Israel,
    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
    festive praise instead of despair.                 Isaiah 61:1b-3a   (NLT)

I’m excited to see how God will take the ashes of my life, and transform them into a crown of splendor. Take my mourning and despair, and fill me with His blessed joy!

Knowing that this process is equally exciting and terrifying for me, I pray that those of you who journey alongside me will be gentle with my heart…

I shared, a couple of weeks ago, that my Pastor had suggested we work through a freedom-based curriculum. At first, I wasn’t sure I wanted to name the curriculum specifically, but feel now that there really isn’t any way around it. The program was Steps to Freedom in Christ by Neil Anderson. I want to be clear that I am neither promoting, nor criticizing Anderson’s ideas or methods. For me, this program was both immensely helpful, and incredibly wounding. As my story unfolds,  you will come to understand what I mean.

The first step was Counterfeit Versus Real. This step involved renouncing any involvement with the occult or with false religions of any kind. My Pastor lead me in a prayer asking the Holy Spirit to reveal anything to my heart that needed to be dealt with. As thoughts came to my mind, I wrote them down on a piece of paper. The things I noted were:

1.  Playing with a magic eight ball as a child.

2.  Seeing a couple of movies that had a theme of satanic abuse.

3.  Reading a book on a case of alleged satanic abuse that was graphic and disturbing (Required reading for a Child Welfare course I was taking in university).

Working through this step was fairly straightforward and even ‘easy’ for me. In fact, I was surprised by the things that came to mind. I had not even thought of them for years. I certainly was not struggling with guilt for having engaged in these activities. As I discussed them with the Pastor, however, I had no problem acknowledging that these things were not in line with Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (NIV).

After renouncing these activities, and rededicating myself to honor and serve God alone, I felt peaceful and content. We were off to a good start. “Okay,” I thought. “Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.” Boy, was I wrong. There was no way I could have been prepared for what was coming next. My whole world was about to come crashing down around me…

I don’t feel comfortable leaving off on such a negative note. I want Incremental Healing to be a place that inspires hope. Inevitably, though, there will be times that the story gets stuck in a dark place for a time. That is just the reality of how the healing has unfolded. Despite this reality, there is hope to be found, even in the darkest places. For it is in the moments of deepest despair that I have often heard the loving words of my heavenly Father most clearly – telling me that He loves me with a perfect love, that I am His precious child, and that He walks closely by my side. Although the pain can be excruciating, I would go as far as to claim that it has been God’s grace to allow me to experience it. Please don’t misunderstand, He certainly takes no pleasure in our suffering. I believe it breaks His heart to see me His children hurting. He has infinite knowledge, though, of the things that will lead to our ultimate best, and He longs for us to experience the fullness of His blessing.

It is during seasons of deepest despair that I have encountered Christ most intimately, and have experienced His healing touch most powerfully. I honestly would not trade those moments of soaring with Christ for any amount of comfort or ease.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)

May you, dear one, draw close to Jesus in your weakness, so that He may be your strength,

Kamea

photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/worshipbackgrounds/12191368894/”>Sapphire Dream Photography</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Steps to Freedom…

  1. Kamea, I went through the Steps To Freedom in 1995 and have served as an encourager to our church ministry for Freedom in Christ since 1996. It is such a rewarding m ministry. I just reread Victory Over Darkness and the truths are so good in this book. Because of the steps I am still married. I love that you are willing to share with us. I am your buddy at Holly Gerth. If you want a list of Who You Are in Christ. I have it on my blog. http://www.diana2rockwell.com /who-i-am-in-Christ. Blessings Diana

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so glad to hear that the Steps to Freedom in Christ had such a powerful effect in your life, even to the point of saving your marriage. How wonderful that you now use the freedom you found, in your ministry to others! God will surely bless you for your faithfulness! Thank you for the link, I will be sure to check it out. You might be interested in following my blog, as I will be sharing more about Steps to Freedom in the days to come.
      Blessings,
      Kamea

      Like

      • Kamea, I will folow you. I would love input on my blog if you would like to check it out. I am new to the blogging world. I often write or include my journey to freedom. I am currently writing on Tracie Miles book Your Life Still Counts, she selcted my weight loss journey to be in her book in Chapter 12. Blessings Diana

        Like

      • Diana,
        I would be honored to visit your blog and give you some feedback. That is awesome that Tracie Miles used your story as a part of her book. Congrats!
        Blessings,
        Kamea

        Like

  2.  “I hear Him whisper to my heart of hearts when I read His word, listen to a message from the pulpit, or engage in worship. The truths line up in a way that cannot be pure coincidence.” I love this! I am always so amazed at how God reveals Himself through different means and how it all fits together… But
    Kamea,

    I’m sorry for your struggles and I understand only too well about fear of vulnerability.  Thus the reason for Supergirl as my profile picture and a pen name. I so long to soar being myself and not being afraid of others, but I’m not there yet either. 
    I read some of Neil Anderson’s books several years back. I, too, was able to renounce years of delving into the occult and found some freedom through his book Victory over the Darkness. However, Satan does not give us up without a fight. I will pray for you.
    But you are so right, God is right there with us, redeeming the time because the days are evil, and He’s redeeming your story and using it to give hope and a great sense of comfort to me in knowing I’m not alone.
    Thank you for sharing. I so look forward to hearing more. I find myself wishing you attended my church. I think we’d have a lot to talk about!
    I so look forward to reading more.
    Blessings, Liz

    Liked by 1 person

    • Liz,
      Thank you for your words of encouragement and for your prayers. It means so much to me to know that you find comfort in my story. I feel the same way when I read your posts. The evil one would so love to deceive us into thinking we are alone. For many years I believed him. There is much comfort in knowing I am not alone – not because I’ve been told by a counsellor – but because I’ve met a kindred spirit! (Not meaning to go all Anne of Green Gables, but did you notice we started our blogs at a similar time & both chose the Hemingway Rewritten theme? Just thought that was neat!)
      I wish we could chat in person too. Someday – if not here then when we reach eternity!
      Your friend,
      Kamea

      Like

  3. Kamea, thank you for your recent comment on my blog post about healing. It was most encouraging. A little background to my thoughts – last year, God gave me the word JOY as my word for the year. And just two weeks into January, my father passed away. I learned many lessons about the true meaning of joy through a most difficult year. I believe that God gave me the word HEALING as a promise and a hope for this new year. I believe that He is going to continue to heal my heart, and bind up the wounds of grief, and comfort me during the difficult task of caring for my widowed mother. In addition to that, I also think He’s going to do some deeper work in my character – weeding out the thought patterns and emotional stuff that sometimes keeps me from His healing.

    Might I just say that I think you are very brave to share your journey of healing. Honesty and vulnerability are never easy, but they are richly rewarded when we bring ourselves to the Lord. He can use our journeys to uplift others, while He also mends us. I pray that you grow ever closer to the Great Physician, and that you are greatly comforted in seeking His kind and gentle face!

    GOD BLESS!

    Like

    • Thank you for stopping by Elizabeth. I share your excitement about the wonders of a life set free by Jesus! The Holy One of heaven never ceases to amaze me with his love and gentle grace!
      Blessings,
      Kamea

      Like

  4. Kamea,
    I read your entire blog and so appreciate your rich words, and even richer testimony. It seems like the words in Isaiah are echoed in your life….God is working in you: you are being strengthened, you are ‘soaring’, you are being ‘released’. I pray He will continue to nourish your heart and heal all you hurts. God bless! sandraj

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so honored that you took the time to do all that reading! Thank you for your kind words and for your prayers as well. I have subscribed to your blog, and look forward to hearing more of the beautiful encouragement you share with your readers.

      Please stop by again soon 🙂
      Kamea

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s