“It’s all my fault” I protested. “Other five-year-olds wouldn’t even know what was happening to them, but my dad warned me about this. He made me promise to say no, and to tell. But I didn’t listen. Don’t tell me it’s not my fault. I knew better, but I did it anyways. And I kept going back. Don’t you understand,” I sobbed. “I went back.”
My body racked with sobs of anguish. For decades these hideous secrets had been locked away from a world too unsafe to trust…
The months that followed that meeting (see Lies I Believe) were some of the darkest of my life. Throughout the day, memories of my past consumed my thoughts. Despite the best efforts of the Pastor and my husband, I continued believing the lies that I was repulsive, stupid, and broken beyond repair. I was convinced that I was unworthy of being loved, and that I was to blame for all the ‘bad things’ that had happened to me. Continue reading
I am really excited to be guest posting this morning over at Blogs by Christian Women. I would absolutely love it if you would stop by and share your thoughts with me!
Come and read how God gently encouraged me not to settle for anything less than His very best…
I often listen to audio sermons while cleaning the house. I am able to get the many ‘necessary’ things done, while engaging my mind and furthering my understanding of spiritual matters. For the most part, this is a purely intellectual exercise – increasing my knowledge of scripture, but not really leading to transformative change. Since I am busy, I often neglect to quiet myself before God, and ‘listen’ to what He might have to say to my heart on the matter. Every once in a while though, I sense God breaking through the monologue. Speaking His truth into my reality.
Continue reading –> http://wp.me/p4YjKM-iZ at Blogs by Christian Women
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I am embarking on an exciting adventure of memorizing God’s word in 2015. I want to invite you to join in! I came across the idea on Beth Moore’s website. The idea is to join a team of your sisters-in-Christ, and commit to memorizing two verses each month.
One thing that I loved about this challenge was the you choose your own verses. There is so much wisdom in this. Verses you choose yourself will be much more likely to speak into your individual struggles and needs. Verses that are relevant to you will also be more motivating to memorize, and more helpful in your Christian walk.
The second phase of Anderson’s Steps to Freedom in Christ was ‘Deception Versus Truth’. Before we began, the Pastor explained that this step involved asking the Holy Spirit to reveal any lies that I was believing. He handed me a pad of paper and a pen, and told me to write down whatever came to mind. Sounded easy enough.
Lies I Believe… I wrote at the top of the sheet. “Ok,” I smiled, “I’m ready.” Little did I know that I was about to be completely derailed.
The Pastor bowed his head and prayed, asking for divine revelation of lies masquerading as truth.
I’m a bad person.
That was the first thing that came to mind. I hesitantly wrote it down, and then looked up with uncertainty from my paper. I could feel the heat of shame burning in my cheeks. “Ummm, what if the things that come to mind are not actually lies at all, but things that are true?” I asked.
It has been several posts since I left off the story of my healing journey. In part, there were other things on my heart that I wanted to share. But if I’m completely honest, I was also avoiding. You see, although I believe God has prompted me to share my story, and has promised that He will redeem my brokenness for good, there is also a very real part of me that is more than a little uneasy about sharing this journey publicly. I feel so vulnerable, and for me vulnerability = danger. The times that I have been most vulnerable in my life are the times that I have been wounded most profoundly. I have worked diligently to build walls of protection around myself – to keep anyone from getting close enough to ever hurt me again.
This fear, at times paralyzes and threatens to consume. I am thankful that it is not the only emotion. There is a new sentiment rising up within me, growing stronger with each step of obedience…