The Path I Never Chose to Follow…

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The journey toward healing is not one I would have chosen.

That dark place in my past was tightly locked, and I had no intentions of going there.  Ever.  I worked hard to keep the memories caged, as if pretending that it had never happened would make it so.

Utterly futile.  The memories reached, unbidden, into my everyday life. Screaming lies of unworthiness. Wrecking havoc in my relationships. Terrorizing my dreams. Taunting me to the point of despair.

And yet, I thought this was better somehow. Better than admitting, even to myself, that I was a victim of abuse.  Better than lowering my wall of self-protection, exposing my vulnerabilities and risking further harm.

How then, you might ask, did my journey begin?

Well…  God, in his abundant grace, understood my fears and my stubborn resolve to suffer in silence, but loved me too much to leave me there.

My husband and I were struggling with one of our children. Our precious son, whom we had adopted, had been severely neglected in his first few months of life. We could see the brokenness that had resulted. He was extremely insecure and full of rage. It was heartbreaking. We tried everything we knew to help him, but things seemed only to get worse. That’s when we reached out for help, seeking godly counsel from our much respected pastor.

After listening compassionately to our concerns, our pastor explained the power of generational sin.  He suggested that this might be giving a foothold to the evil one, and factoring into the inner turmoil of our precious boy. He recommended working through a freedom-based curriculum that specifically addressed this issue. Our pastor then made a further suggestion, one that totally caught me off guard. Rather than simply seeking to address the brokenness in our son, we could work through the curriculum fully.  For ourselves.

Immediately, I sensed that this was what God was asking of me. To say I wrestled with the idea would be an understatement. I was barely able to focus after that point. The only thing I clearly remember is the pastor suggesting we take some time to pray about our decision.

Do you see what happened there??

God knew I would do anything for our son, whom I love dearly, but would not do the same for myself. He orchestrated circumstances so that he could show me his intended path.

I dismissed the incident.  I had no intentions of delving into my past. There was too much to lose.

The following Sunday, as I was engaged in worship, God reached out to me again. We were singing ‘Today’ by Brian Doerksen. The first verse goes as follows..

Today I choose to follow You
Today I choose to give my ‘yes’ to You
Today I choose to hear Your voice and live
Today I choose to follow You

As I sang the words, “Today I choose to give my ‘yes’ to You”, I sensed God asking me, “Do you?”. Two simple words, with no explanation, yet I clearly knew what he wanted me to do.

Hearing God speak so gently to me, without any hint of rebuke, was something I simply could not resist. In his love, he broke through my walls of self-protection, stubbornness and resistance.

Wonderful how relentlessly God pursues his precious children, isn’t it?

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1a NIV

This path is not one I would have chosen, but I can honestly say I am thankful that God had this planned for me. It has not been easy, but he has walked closely by my side through it all. God is so faithful. He is graciously showing me the wonderful fruit of living a life that says ‘Yes’ to him.

Blessings,

Kamea

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20 thoughts on “The Path I Never Chose to Follow…

  1. That is one blessed little boy to have you as a Mom. Neglected as a child myself… I’ll just say one thing… Hug him a lot, even when he doesn’t want to be hugged and definitely pray and rebuke those chains…This precious child has been brought out of darkness into light… My prayers are with him and you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Liz!
      He is actually struggling quite a bit tonight. Too much excitement and lack of routine over the holidays, I think. Thank you for your prayers. They are appreciated, and much needed. Even though we love him so much and try to tell him everyday and give him lots of hugs and kisses, he is still very insecure. It breaks my heart.
      Blessings friend,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

      • I cannot imagine what that feels like. It breaks my heart how hurt people hurt people and how kids are often the ones who experience that the most…

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  2. Pingback: His Precious One – Kamea | Me Too Moments For Moms

  3. Wow. We never know how God will turn a situation into something for our own healing. You are brave, Kamea. Thank you for sharing this story with us and I pray your own healing and your son’s will be immense. Going now to look up the song Today. Thanks for sharing that too. Love those words.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, Lisa, His ways are not like our ways – they are beyond our understanding, and far exceed our wildest imaginings! His plans are to bless us, and not to harm us. We need only to trust. Thank you for your encouraging words, especially for saying I am brave. I often don’t feel brave, but I am choosing to trust that He’s got my whole situation in His hands, and that He will work all things together for my good.

      Blessings and hugs,
      Kamea

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  4. Praying that God uses this to heal fully and completely. This is where God is so very real and personal and practical, when we have to completely depend on Him to do what we cannot. Thank you for your honest post. Visiting today from #livefreeThursday

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome Lisa,

      Thank you for your prayers, and for your kind words of encouragement. Isn’t it wonderful how personal our God is? He truly desires intimate encounters with His precious children. So wondrous!

      Blessings,
      Kamea

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    • Our God is so amazing, isn’t He? I’m so glad to know that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. His ways are far above ours, beyond understanding. But we can trust in Him – so reassuring!

      Blessings,
      Kamea

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    • Dear Susie,

      To hear that sharing my story has helped you in your journey is such an amazing blessing! Next week, I’m posting about how our heavenly Father is a God of stories – and the importance of sharing our stories with others – But don’t tell anyone, its a secret 😉

      Much love sweet friend,
      Kamea

      Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome Stacey,

      I love that verse. I brings me so much hope. Isn’t it amazing to know that it is in His KINDNESS that He allows us to suffer for a little while. He knows the great benefits we will gain – even at times when we have no earthly idea how something could possibly be for our best. He has promised to restore us, support and strengthen us. He is so faithful!

      May God richly bless you as you meditate on these truths,
      Kamea

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    • It is amazing, isn’t it? That he reaches down and speaks to us personally and intimately. He truly loves us so very much.

      Many blessings for a wonderful weekend,
      Kamea

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    • Yes, Brittany, it certainly has been a challenge. But our God is faithful, and I see his hand at work in my life in a mighty way. I know that His plans are for my best, to prosper me and not to harm me.

      Blessings,
      Kamea

      Like

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