So difficult to know where to begin…
My journey toward healing has been an interesting one. At times excruciatingly painful, at times life-giving and freeing. At no point has it been easy.
I’d like to take you back to the day when I sensed God confirming that my healing would come, but would come slowly, and with much struggle.
A young lady in her mid-twenties had come to speak at my church. She had recently been rescued from the evil world of human trafficking. She shared many horrifying details of the traumas she had endured. Abused, humiliated, shamed and dehumanized. Left with scars, both physical and emotional. This had been her reality.
And yet, she beamed with joy as she shared how, in a moment, her whole world had changed. She was rescued from her hell on earth, and was shown love and compassion for the first time that she could remember. In time, she was introduced to Christ, and accepted his free gift of salvation – his offer to adopt her into his family, to restore her brokenness, and to redeem all her hurts. In a moment of complete surrender, she was able to release her pain. The crushing oppression was lifted. Peace for fear. Love for self-loathing. Joy for despair. She was free.
And how did I feel hearing her story?
I’d love to tell you that I rejoiced along with her, celebrating her freedom from oppression, her optimistic hope, and her beaming joy.
But that would be a lie.
I was angry. It seemed so unfair that she should experience such a miraculous healing, while I was left to suffer. ‘Why God?’ I cried out in my inner being. ‘It’s not fair. I have been asking for this very thing for such a long time. You promise in your word to hear our cries. I want what she has – immediate healing and freedom from the pain and heartache’.
I sensed God speaking to me in that moment. Not an audible voice, but rather a whisper in my heart of hearts. ‘I could give you what you have been asking for, immediate healing and freedom, but that would not be my best for you. That is my best for her. But for you, my best is something different. Will you trust me? Trust that this journey, although long and difficult, is for your ultimate good? I love you, my precious child. I am working all things together for your best.’
Wow! I still get goosebumps reflecting on his words of love, lavished on me.
Immediate relief would not be coming as I had hoped, but God reassured me that he is always with me. He walks closely by my side through the dark valleys, and will restore me fully in his perfect timing. He loves me beyond measure.
God has a special plan for each of us, dear friends. Although there may be aspects of our story that we do not understand – he has our ultimate best at heart.
“For I know the plans I have for you”, says the Lord, “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”. Jeremiah 29:11
Looking forward to my hopeful future!! I hope you are too!
In his love,
photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/wrathdelivery/4592987200/”>Peter Baker</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a>